Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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