This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
