TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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