4 words: hood of his car
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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