possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
