In the future we'll all be gay
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
