He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
