somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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