I cockslap morals
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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