why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
