I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I want to fling myself into the sun
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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