i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
