hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
