She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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