My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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