I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
