Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
