$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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