I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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