I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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