Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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