Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
