you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
