I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
