Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
