one word: firstdatebathroomanal
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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