Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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