Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
