I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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