VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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