But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
