My liver just broke up with me...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
