How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
