I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
