dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
