I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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