Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
