to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
