Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
