I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize