one two three fourrrrnication!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
