He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
