He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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