??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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