As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We left an ass print on the piano.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
