remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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