He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
