The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I checked into jail on foursquare
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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