You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
