Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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