my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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