My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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