Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
