Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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