Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
