Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
