This dress was meant to end up on your floor
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
