Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
