Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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