I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
