It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
