How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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