we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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