you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
