well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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