It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
