idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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