I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
