My sheets look like a crime scene.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
